It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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