I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize