I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
