i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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