so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
4 words: hood of his car
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
