so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
