I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
