Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
