Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
