just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
