I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
