I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
