i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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