"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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