this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
