I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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