A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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