And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize