the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
