You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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