So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think a kid would responsible me up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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