my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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