Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
