his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
