HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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