I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So vagazzling was a success
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
