Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
