I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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