I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
