I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
