i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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