dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
