I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
