maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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