I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
