Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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