We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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