I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
