the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
