i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
