People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize