Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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