Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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