I wish i was in the wii world.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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