Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
