He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
