I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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