You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
