Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
