You're my little dorito
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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