wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
