I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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