I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
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