The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
