Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
