Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
