Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize