I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
