the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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